i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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