I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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