New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
