thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
