party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
