i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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