Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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