I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
