Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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