So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
