70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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