We won't sleep together?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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