I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So vagazzling was a success
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
