i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
