Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
