You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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