I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
