so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The beer is more important than you right now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
