i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
where are my eyebrows?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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