I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
