This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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