Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was confusing and full of hummus
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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