Already got asked if we're dating
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
