you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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