We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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