it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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