He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
