happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
