end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
