U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
