You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
