Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
