I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
