I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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