Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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