just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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