There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
