I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
