i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
