I'm lost and stupid without you.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
