Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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