so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
