you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
