He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My ass is underappreciated
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
