after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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