If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
