just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
