My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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