I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
