Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
