so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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