Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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