No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
how does that bad decision feel?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
