I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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