not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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