i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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