ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize