who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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