guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
