I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize