I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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