do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
