Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
