Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
