saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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