So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why did my mother make you get naked?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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