well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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