he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize