Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
